I’m 50. I’m healthy. I aim to stay that way.
What I noticed last month and was blown away by, was that I saw how I operate on a daily basis. I thought I saw this clearly before. However, I hadn’t been seeing through it all the way, and I’m a very body aware person! But there are so many layers to see through and I was seeing myself and my health superficially in some ways. Like this...some people get stressed or busy and they clench their jaw or lift their shoulders. I clench my gut. Been doing it for decades, particularly around my solar plexus. I’ve done yoga and meditation for decades and still I was not breathing deeply enough and being aware enough of that sensitive and troubled area. I mentioned my friend Christina Love of Earth’s Legacy in the last post. She was the one who brought this to my attention at the moment when I would truly and finally hear her.
This is how this stuff works!! It’s such a wild ride!! The seeds must be planted. The wake up call or the moment of revelation must occur. And maybe someone must bring it all together at the right moment. Apparently, the universe was tired of waiting for me to see this deeply into my body and my health. And yes, I also believe that the work I’ve been doing for the last couple of years, the Maya spiritual healing and the Maya abdominal therapy, collaborated to drive something in me to health at a deeper level. It has sometimes been painful and scary. I guess that’s what it took - after all, I’ve had many chances and many teachers trying to show this to me. Christina’s words, “be patient with yourself”. Very important to remember. And, “you are doing it”. Meaning, I’m doing the work now.
Did you know that there are nerves that connect your adrenals to your solar plexus? In fact there are a bundle of nerves there. The solar plexus prepares the body to respond to stress. So I have one little tiny stressful thought and that sends a signal to get ready to fight or flee. That signal goes to my various vital organs and to my adrenals and to my solar plexus. And then, the culprit of so many health issues in the modern world, my body sends out some adrenaline. This happens multiple times a day I’ve noticed lately, all throughout the day, and it’s been happening for many years every single day. Maybe I would catch that happening once or twice a day and try to breathe and do something about it but the majority of the time I never noticed. The solar plexus is highly connected to stress and I’ve been chasing adrenal health for years. I wore those babies out over the years. Another amazing woman named Hilary Lewin says basically, the hormones you run on during your 30’s and 40’s are the ones that will jump up and bite you during those hot flashy perimenopausal and menopausal years. I have found that to be true. Ladies, are you paying attention? Everything is connected.
So I finally realized that was how I was operating and was amazed that so many people walk around NOT clenching their gut all day! I am now amazed that the normal mode I was in, that I would bring myself down to in times of high stress, was still ramped up and running on adrenaline. I’ve been doing this for years thinking I was doing such a great job most of the time. I was!! For what I knew and understood and saw, I was. But now, like I’ve seen deep into the forest, I’ve seen deeper into this. My guess now, with all the layers of life and healing and the body and the non linear nature of healing is that, there’s more. Let me say that again for all the linear thinkers like myself out there. Healing is not linear. Not at all. Western, modern medicine can keep that construct for itself and do wonders with acute health issues like broken bones and more serious issues, but it isn’t the whole truth.
Also, it’s important to point out that my appendicitis and more recent kink in my intestine is probably way more complex than I still understand. Yes, I probably had a kink. But maybe I didn’t. Doctors can see a kink on a scan and go in and find no kink. It happens. My consistent symptoms told the story of having a kink. And yes, if it was a kink, maybe it was caused by scar tissue. But why did I get appendicitis? What’s going on over there that so upset the area that my appendix became inflammed? What is actually causing this? My teacher in the Maya work that I do, Rosita Arvigo says, “don’t be dazzled by symptoms”. Christina says another version of this. She says, “don’t run away from symptoms”. Both of these are true. As an herbalist, I know to look past symptoms to the cause. Again, “curing” symptoms is for modern, western medicine and it’s various pharmaceuticals. What is the cause?? That is the question for holistic health practicioners of all kinds. If you run away from symptoms, equally self-defeating, you won’t see the signs of what the cause is.
So, I’m doing a lot right now to get this poor stressed gut working right again. Cleansing, healing, is not easy. It can be lonely because so few can relate to what you’re going through. Emotions run all over the place as physical things come up and therefore, cell memories are released. I’ve woken up at four or five a.m. numerous times this past month with thoughts of the oldest, forgotten memories clanking around my head. I ask, what is this? And, what do I need to let go? And, who do I need to forgive? Usually the answer to that last question is myself. So it’s hard work. I’ve done it before and can say it’s well worth it. Considering this could be way worse down the road, it’s worth it.
Lastly, I’ll leave you with the words of the gifted, kind, and intuitive Christina Love, talking about my history and health. Treasure in the trauma. Always. "This is a body pattern with you. We mostly come into the world a certain way. Then we all absorb stuff during our formative years. So you began at some point to survive in your head and you started clenching. This probably started when you were very young (remember that stitch you said you’d get in your lower right side??), you had inflammation over on that right side, and maybe you even picked up a parasite. That’s what we were working on almost 20 years ago with you. Everything was and still is working you towards dealing with this. That’s your individual system, trying to find its own balance, waking you up to who you are. The goal is not so much to get the water all through your colon during a colonic; it’s waking your system up so it can do what it’s supposed to do. I just want to help you get to the place you need to get to. And the blessing is that you've been pushed to do the work more than ever before."